So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
