thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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