id be glad to
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
