youre lurking in front of me
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
