She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
