just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
