So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
