That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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