You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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