forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
