I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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