I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
