Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
