I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
