I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
