The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
