who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
