i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
