I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
