bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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