We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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