Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
