He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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