I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
