He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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