Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
