I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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