after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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