I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
