not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
