How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
