Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She bit a glass in half.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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