He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
