can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
