I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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