Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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