Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
