she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
