His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
