my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
