I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
