dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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