She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
