i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
