I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
