And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Me too!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
