I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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