i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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