Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
