I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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