Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
